Sometimes I am really good at setting goals for myself and achieving them, and sometimes I would have to give myself a big fat F. This month I get an F. December has been a particularly pricey month for me. I flew across country for a wedding, had to buy a shit ton of Christmas gifts, and of course the dreaded law school student loans kicked in. BTW the monthly loan amount adjusted to an “income based” payment is still almost the cost of my monthly rent. Naturally I told myself that I would not buy anything for myself this month because, of course, I don’t need anything. I have enough clothes to dress every woman my size in all of the Philippines. I started off strong the first week, and then of course, I faltered. It is really easy to be on a shopping diet when you avoid the stores, but when you have to put yourself out there to buy gifts for other people, it is really easy to drift into the mode where you just start shopping for yourself.
I feel like I am in confession without the priest right now, but I am hoping that spilling my guts about my lack of discipline will help everyone out there with the same illness (self-diagnosed obsessive compulsive shopping, materialism, and fashion addiction) feel a little bit better. It all started the first week of December when I went to watch a soccer game at a bar. I thought that I was safe for the entire duration of the game because I was in an English pub with beer and televisions and there was pretty much nothing in sight that I could possibly buy for myself. Then half time hit. I wandered outside of the pub and found the most charming little boutique across the street. It was like a lighthouse in the middle of a desolate, rocky shore. The outdoor sale rack called out to me and compelled me to jay-walk, actually jay-run across four lanes of LA street traffic to look at its wares. I couldn’t resist. When I reached the door of the boutique and heard the festive bells on the doorknob jingle as I entered, I felt safe and happy. I was home at last, away from the soccer pub and in my element where I belonged. Before halftime was over, I walked away with the cutest pair of black pants.
How could I possibly have justified this purchase? I was supposed to be buying stuff for other people. I could have walked out of there with something for my sister, my mom, my aunt, my girl cousins, but I didn’t. I justified the buy by telling myself that I needed the pants (I actually still believe I need the pants even though two weeks have passed and I haven’t worn them yet). Since it has been so cold the past few weeks I have only been wearing pants to work and I noticed that my black pants have gotten a bit big. I did buy them at least five years ago and they either stretched out, or looser pants were cooler then, or I lost weight? Either way, I really needed new pants, especially a new style of black pants. In this magical little boutique I found the perfect pair of black pants that have that genie-in-a-bottle, yet still work appropriate shape where they have some volume on top but taper with a cuff at the ankle. They have a bow at the waste (which means I don’t have to search for a belt) giving the pants a feminine look. The pants look great with sexy strappy shoes or a pair of classic platform pumps and can easily transition from daytime meeting to happy hour. Don’t you see why I needed these pants?
I wish I could say that this was the only time I broke my December diet, but since then I also purchased a pair of blue suede heels, two work shirts (also much needed because I lack work shirts with sleeves and I was at an outlet in a state where sales tax was 4% lower than in California), and two lace tops (one with sleeves and one without, might I add that they are completely different “looks” and colors). So I felt a bit guilty about buying not one, but two lace tops, so I decided to give one as a gift to someone who will love and appreciate it as much as I do. And she happens to be the same size as me. Oh, and last night I bought a leopard print coat because it fit so well (which is really hard to find for someone with narrow shoulders and petite arms). The coat was a must buy because it was on sale from $99 to $29 which practically made it free, and I told myself that I would return the other lace top if I bought the jacket, which I have yet to do, but will for sure do. These are just the things that I bought for myself that I can think of off the top of my head and there are still over 10 days left till the end of this month. Perhaps I should set more realistic goals for myself next December. I sincerely hope your holiday shopping is focused on the spirit of giving to other people—apparently I was absent on that day of Sunday school.
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